SUBMISSION NO.10

Trigger Warnings: suicide, self harm

 

I have depression. And it's taken over my life.

 

Since it developed last year, everything has gone downhill for me. To the point where I feel like life is not worth living. I've planned to overdose a few times now, but I stop myself every time because I'm scared of what it'll do to the people I love.

 

I stopped doing my work for school because it doesn't matter to me anymore. I figure I'll be gone before I graduate. And in the back of my head I know there's a possibility that won't happen, but I'm too scared to think about that.

Because I can't see myself having a future.

I can't see myself being happy.

If I'm not capable of having the motivation to do a simple project for school, how am I supposed to get through the rest of high school, all of college, and then a career? I can't.

 

My problems and needs have fucked up the lives of the people around me. My parents, my few close friends, even my friend's parents. But I know killing myself will fuck up their lives even more. That's why I wish no one cared about me, so I could leave this world without the consequences.

 

I used to cut myself for relief, but it stopped providing relief a while ago, so I stopped cutting. But recently I started again, for a different reason. Because it hurts like hell, and I deserve that pain. I really wish there was a happy ending to this story. I wish I could say "but that's all in the past, and I'm better now!" But sadly I can't, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to.

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